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Eldorado Six

by Eef Barzelay

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about

4 by Eef and one by Townes Van Zandt (No Place To Fall). Song for Belle has her father Noel adding some sweet sounds.


"despite the long shadows of your endless despair"

credits

released March 13, 2014

The email behind "Song For Arash"
thanks Amanda.

The song i'd like is for my dear friend Arash (pronounced like in i have a rash). After a long battle with mental illness, he took his own life on thanksgiving. i want this song for him.
I'm not sure what kind of information or how much of it you'd like for a song, but I guess I'll just start writing:

Arash was one special dude. we met 12 years ago. he was my first college boyfriend. The first night i met him i fell head over heels and convinced him to go to my parent's cabin outside of town. We got there really late and couldn't find the hidden key to the house. We ended up spending the night on the porch swing holding hands and woke up to deer surrounding us in the yard. it was pure magic. A magic which he had a special ability to inject into just about any situation with anyone. We didn't date for long, but after we broke up we soon became best friends. i was a groomswoman in his wedding. he was my go-to for every little problem i had in my life. he was always there for me- for every break up, broken bone, and blip in my life. He was a fantastic listener but didn't share much about his own life- he hid most of his problems from me up until the last few months of his life.

After attending his memorial service, I realized there were two very separate sides to arash. One side- the one all of his friends knew well- was a guy that would do anything for you. He had a way of making you feel like the most important person in the world. He threw surprise parties for you, bought you gift certificates to a spa just to brighten your day, and most of all really intently listened when you talked. He wanted to know everything about you and even made you think those stupid everyday problems were somehow important. When you had bigger problems, he was never afraid to ask the awkward or difficult questions and really help you get through it. He was the perfect therapist.
He had a 2 year old son, Fletcher, who was the light of his life. Music was a passion for him. He wrote songs for people and loved making up silly songs on the spot. He also played bagpipes (the loudest and most obnoxious instrument he could find). He was quirky, weird, hilarious and would do crazy things (like having a friend's face henna-tattooed on his belly) just to make you laugh.
He was also a passionate supporter of victims of domestic violence and sexual abuse. He devoted his life to speaking up for those that didn't have a voice- from leading a Voices Against Violence group in college, to becoming a social worker for California Coalition against Sexual Assault, to getting his law degree, he was passionate about helping those who needed it and making the world a better place. He was a huge supporter of women and taught me a thing or two about being a feminist.

but he had another side that so few of his friends ever saw. The abuse he faced as a child and a history of mental illness in his family haunted him throughout his life. He saw therapists and for a long time he coped well. But around the time he had a child of his own, he fell into a terrible spiral of bad choices that led to him losing his job and included many suicide attempts. The mental health system utterly failed him. He knew he was sick and tried desperately to get help, but after losing his job and health insurance, his options were limited. After each suicide attempt, they would almost immediately send him home without any further counseling, meds, or resources. Near the end of his life he was finally able to locate a therapist that would see him without insurance. A few days before he died, he told his therapist he wouldn't make it past thanksgiving but, because of his previous failed attempts, she didn't believe he was a serious suicide threat and did nothing. The lack of quality mental health care available to those like him- people that know they need it and desperately want to get better- is incredibly infuriating and depressing.

Arash totally hid the darker side of himself from even his closest friends. Over and over at his service, I heard people talking about how they had no idea he was struggling. About how they were now realizing every time they had talked with arash, they mostly talked about their own lives. Many people felt like they never knew the "real" arash, but I think the side they saw was the real Arash. It was the way he wanted to be. He was too kind to burden people with his troubles. He wanted to be a force of good in this world.

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Eef Barzelay Nashville, Tennessee

These monthly EPs are the result of an experiment in co-creation between Eef Barzelay and his die hards.

Eldorado is that perfect shiny place we are all searching for but never find until we realize that we are it.

“What we are looking for is what is looking.”
― St. Francis of Assisi
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